Recently, I been slapped in the face with buffet of updates to various things and apps. So I thought, why not think about the future, and the only way I can think of doing that is to tell ye a story…again.

Its 2013, long after that 2012 bullshit and everyone moved on with their lives, I awoke from my cramped cryo pod in a daze. Upon observing my clock I realize that my pod was set five days too late for my online job interview. Outraged by this, I quickly went to Youtube to see what my autocam recorded during my slumber. The autocam recorded me sleeping naked in my cryo pod for the entire time I was supposed to be recording my interview to post on my now deleted channel. Fuck the future.

Moments later I went into the ketchen in hopes to turn the day around with breakfast. I had about 5 minutes to eat before I had to begin my defense in reassembling my not naked pride again. My plan for breakfast was to heat up a simple Hot pocket, though upon trying to use my mircowave I was informed that there was a required update for the mircowave so that you may view my food in HD. It was 20MB, but the wireless connection to the mircowave was so bad it took up my 5 minutes to download. Fuck the future.

Later, I decided to go for a walk, and by walk I mean stand still and letting the sidewalk move you, when I was approched by a homeless hobo. He was begging for money from people on their way to work. I personally had nothing to give the poor man, so I tried my best to ignore him and go about my business; however, he took one good look at me and said in that disgusting hobo voice, “Hey! I know you! You’re the naked guy on the tube. Yeah you were famous for the two hours that video was up.” Indeed, even homeless are conneted to the internet. Fuck the future.

Lastly, I went to The Future Man a electronics store big in future crap. I asked a nearby clerk if there were any time machines for sale. He answered with a nod of the head and pointed me in the right direction. He questioned what would I need one for; I stood there and said, “You remember all that 2012 hype? Yeah, I gonna go make that shit happen. Fuck the future!”

Today thought: Its 2:35 A.M. and I let out the hugest fart of the early morning and it feels so damn good.

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